the mad ass yoga saga

Al and Rick (yes we are going for 3rd person on this one) headed down to visit the wonderful couple and dear friends of the family, Sandy and Don. Al and Rick decided to go with Sandy and Don to their weekend yoga class. This was not a mistake for Rick, the buff god of a manly man that he is, but for Al the old lady, the yoga class was a bit of a challenge. She has decided that spending time in the kitchen making food for her man, cleaning the house, and raising the 76 children is where her efforts should be focused. As Al was essentially paralyzed, the time was mostly spent relaxing with eyes glued to the enormous tv screen that graced the downstairs living room. We now know everything that has to do with "Do it yourself" home repair, thanks to the DIY network. We also found St. Louis brews to be shockingly awesome, and no we are not referring to Budweiser Beer. We are also aware that we have stopped using the 3rd person perspective. Fair enough.

Backwoods, MO

Our second stop in the St. Louis area was with Aunt Mary, at a lake in the middle of nowhere. Not even the FBI could find us (but boy, were they trying)! We hung out with the mascot of the stop, Dusty. A sweet dog with cancer, we held a prayer vigil with 5,000 of his biggest fans (most of them were bullfrogs). The nights were very loud, between the thunderstorms and the local nightlife (again, mostly bullfrogs), it was a few decibels louder than our home in NYC. We would take the chorus of crickets, cicadas, and frogs over honking cars any day. The lake house was great, and we will think of our times there fondly. The rugs were saturate, and the various masks hanging on the wall laughed with us as we enjoyed good company.

Lake St. Louis

We found the cheapest 5 star hotel around Lake St. Louis, and enjoyed the culinary arts of Uncle Chip Costello. He and Lori put up with us for around a week, as we relaxed in their pool and sailed around the lake. Sweet luxury! The stay ended with a burrito fix at a nearby restaurant. We can't say thanks enough to Chip and Lori for all that we got to enjoy, including the chance to perfect a frontflip off of a diving board that I swear is too low to flip off of (Coach Al thinks otherwise). Other then that, Al messed up her foot scissor-kicking your mom. We amputated at the waist, and now everything is fine.

Cornville, IL

Crossing into a new timezone, we stepped back in time to a sleepy farm-town by the name of Hindsboro, Illinois. Home to many of Al's not so distant relatives, we ate coconut cream pie, and looked at a bunch of dead people (don't worry, they were buried). We stayed with Ned and Phillis, who showed us as much kindness as they showed us corn; and there was a LOT of corn around there. We took a Jeep tour through Amish country, and visited some mini-donkeys. I had trouble petting them because I kept thinking that they were far away. I guess my depth perception needs to get better. One mistook Al's Showco shirt for food, so we had to slaughter it. It turns out donkey steak goes well with corn.

Obit Update: Razor

On a rainy day, the world lost another brave soul: Our gillette mach 4 razor. It will be mourned by Rick's face and Al's legs/armpits. Especially Al's legs. The hair is now long enough to act like a prism in the light, refracting and blinding poor souls within viewable distance. We wanted to let enough time pass for appropriate mourning, but tomorrow's goal is to move forward again in life and find another razor to love. It will never replace old gillette mach 4. RIP gillette mach 4.

Leaving New England

We Finally left New England for Columbus, Ohio. We raped and pillaged with Pirate Rena and Pirate JB. We celebrated our booty with giant PBRs, and even more giant burgers. Yaar! Also, the car became even more stuffed (just like your mom last night) as we hit up a discount store named Ollie's. I had to drag Pirate Al out of there by her ankles, and they charged us for damage to the floor from her claw-marks. We will never be forgotten. The only true fatality was that of Pirate Rena's computer-machine-thingy, which took a high-dive into an empty pool. We told her it went to a good family on a farm, where it can run around with all of the commodore 286's and Apple IIe's. Run free, run free.

You Look Like Sonny and Cher

Finishing New England with a bang! The fourth of July fireworks easily exceeded both of our yearly incomes, along with several of our friends' added in. Fireworks were set off machine gun style; it is hard to appreciate 75 explosions all at once. We spent most of the night out "On a Boat" with a disco ball...listening to "On a Boat" Our main home for the week though was with the Klotz's and their two Doberman Pinchers: the fearsome Copper and the lovable, bilingual Kiera. What a wonderful family! Thanks guys! We attempted to leave New Hampshire only to run into a billion tolls. Once we were out of dollars and quarters we were forced to head off the highway in search of an ATM in what apparently was the smallest town ever. We did manage to find one and escape, but not without being stopped in our car to be told that we looked just like Sonny and Cher. I see the resemblance. You know with the plastic surgery that we have both had and the fact that we are both like 60 something.

Farm in Vermont

We had a great time in Vermont seeing Ruthanne and Deborah. Farmwork and rhubarb pie were bountiful, and we discovered a great show that is new to us: the big bang theory. Leave it to us to find an amazing nature spot only to find a new TV show. What a great piece of TV! On other notes, it was good to be around some livestock and sawdust. Ahh, home. Next stop is New Hampshire.
P.S. Your alcoholic dad.